Love doesn’t look the same for everyone—and that’s okay.

Hi! My name is Simone Swenson, I am a Registered psychologist in Calgary Alberta and a Level Three Gottman Therapist with over six years of experience supporting couples. I’ve spent much of my career helping partners strengthen their connection, navigate challenges, and build intimacy. Along this journey, I’ve also found myself stepping into the world of consensual non-monogamy (CNM)—not because I set out to, but because people kept showing up in my practice seeking support in this area.

Through referrals and word-of-mouth, I’ve had the privilege of working with individuals and couples exploring CNM. What I quickly noticed is how much stigma and misunderstanding surrounds it. Too often, CNM is reduced to harmful stereotypes: that it’s just about cheating, that only people with avoidant or disorganized attachment pursue it, or that it signals dysfunction. But this simply isn’t true.

Breaking Down the Stereotypes

CNM is not about dishonesty or avoidance. In fact, it requires some of the highest levels of communication, intentionality, and emotional awareness I’ve seen in my work with couples. According to the American Psychological Association’s Division 44, CNM is defined as any relationship structure in which all partners give explicit consent to romantic, emotional, or sexual involvement with more than one person (APA Fact Sheet).

What CNM Really Is

Consensual non-monogamy can look very different depending on the people involved. For some, it means occasional openness; for others, it involves multiple deep and committed partnerships. Research summarized in Psychology Today highlights that people in CNM relationships often report levels of relationship satisfaction, trust, and commitment comparable to those in monogamous partnerships—though the communication and boundary needs may differ (Psychology Today – Polyamory).

At its best, CNM is about:

• Transparency: being honest with yourself and your partners.

• Mutual respect: recognizing that each person’s needs and boundaries matter.

• Intentional communication: creating space for ongoing dialogue about desires, fears, and agreements.

These are the same skills that help couples thrive in monogamous relationships. The difference is simply in how they’re applied.

Why This Matters

Expanding the conversation about what healthy relationships can look like is important. For many, monogamy feels authentic and right. For others, CNM allows them to live in alignment with their values, desires, and capacity for connection. Neither is inherently better or worse—both require trust, respect, and care to thrive.

A recent narrative review of CNM research also points out how social norms often diverge from people’s lived experiences, showing that healthy CNM requires intentional agreements rather than assumptions about what “should” work in relationships (PMC Review).

By moving past stereotypes and misconceptions, we create space for people to explore their relationships without shame, judgment, or fear of being misunderstood.

A Final Thought

Whether monogamous or non-monogamous, couples who thrive are those who build strong foundations of friendship, honesty, and care. Therapy is not about prescribing the “right” way to love—it’s about supporting people in making intentional choices that fit who they are and the kind of relationships they want to build.

At Healing Journey Collective, our therapists provide a supportive, non-judgmental space for individuals and couples interested in exploring or navigating CNM. If you’re curious about whether CNM may be right for you, or you’re looking for guidance in strengthening communication and connection within your relationships, we invite you to book a complimentary 15-minute consultation with one of our therapists.

References

American Psychological Association, Division 44. (n.d.). Consensual non-monogamy fact sheet. APA. https://www.apadivisions.org/division-44/resources/consensual-non-monogamy.pdf

Conley, T. D., Matsick, J. L., Moors, A. C., & Ziegler, A. (2017). Polyamory. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/polyamory

Moors, A. C., Balzarini, R. N., & Flicker, S. M. (2023). Dichotomy between social norms and actual consensual non-monogamy practice: A narrative review. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1109204. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1109204